The Keys To Lasting Love

Tips to Finding & Keeping Love In Your Life

  1. Heal from a break-up, hurt, disappointment, a divorce or death of a boyfriend, fiance, or spouse. You cannot fully move on with baggage and wounds.Keys to Finding Love for Black Women
  2. Be the best you that you can be. Revamp your personal style as well as develop new hobbies and interests. {Read: 2013 Single Ladies Overview}
  3. Stop seeking outside validation from others. What do you think of yourself, your potential and the life you live? Are you truly happy with yourself both inside and out and confident that you will attract a great man just the way you are? If so, fantastic! If not, than it is time to work on the new and improved you.
  4. Don’t be your own worst enemy. That includes sabotaging a relationship that is going along well by being insecure, boring, complacent, or telling yourself negative things. {ReadAre You Your Own Worst Enemy}
  5. Surround yourself with positive people whom are not toxic and draining to your health.
  6. Keep your goodies to yourself until you get to know one another better.
  7. Know that you are deserving of love and a relationship that makes you feel loved, respected, and secure.
  8. Get to know yourself more, enjoy your own company, and find events to attend on your own. Take the extra time you have to develop a talent, find a hobby, learn a new language, go back to school or earn the next level of your degree or a parallel one. Rent movies that you love or try a new genre like foreign films that can be found and rented for free from your local public or College/University library. You may meet interesting people in this section and strike up some great conversations. This also makes you a more well-rounded person.
  9. Grab a notepad and make a list with your name on one side, and your exe’s name on the other. Write on your side the things that you may have done to contribute to the demise of your relationship. This may not apply to everyone although there are valuable lessons to be learned and signs that you can find in every experience. On his side, list the ways he contributed to the end of your relationship. Circle any similarities that you find between the two to determine how to prevent them from occurring again. Are there any signs that you were oblivious to since you were in love? Now is the time to think of them, note them as warning signs, and correct them or end the relationship when you see these signs manifest themselves.
  10. Everyone says date someone new that you aren’t used to dating regularly, if the majority of your relationships ended badly, you were deceived, betrayed, etc.
  11. Embrace your culture, heritage, nationality, and race and represent it with pride. Television bombards us with images of cosmetically beautified women that are not black women or have both parents that are of African-Descent with dark skin. What is worse is our black men are reinforcing the idea and having relationships or getting married to these other woman at growing rates it seems. This may leave some black women feeling as if they aren’t good enough which resorts to self-hatred. Being proud of yourself, wearing it with style and dignity, and showing women of other races that you are not intimidated or insecure about your looks is highly attractive. Your pride in conjunction with the many other unique qualities about you will be refreshing for a man seeking a proud black woman to make his wife and queen.

This list will be updated with new keys as well as posts added to the Keys category.


Mend a Broken Heart- Get over a past relationship
Mend a broken heart, get over a past relationship, and find the right love for you!

One of the keys to finding love is to heal from old wounds from exes and bad experiences. While it is easier said than done, it can be achieved if you practice the following steps:

  • Stop yourself when you begin to feel down, depressed, hurt, angry, or scorned by your ex. Remind yourself that he is probably off somewhere in love with someone else and/or not even thinking about your or sorry about how he has hurt you.
  • Think of all of your great qualities, goals for the future, life you are making as a single woman if you are divorced, and the next man who will be blessed and lucky to have you in his life.
  • Remind yourself that nothing lasts forever and if it is meant to be it will. Live your life in the meanwhile. Stop waiting around for your ex to see their mistakes and make it up to you. This may never happen and in the meanwhile you will have wasted time which is precious.
  • If you are a “woman of particular age” as Wendy Williams will say, don’t feel threatened by the competition of younger women even though  you should take care of yourself so that they have to do a double-take when they see you. After-all, wine gets finer with age and you should have plenty to teach someone if you choose to date a younger man as well as, you certainly don’t need a man who spends his time chasing younger women. Your confidence, wisdom, and youthful style will shine.

Be The Best Person You Can Be

The best revenge or overall way to get over an ex is to be the best you that you can be. Any things about yourself that can be improved, refined, or added should be done as soon as you can. This not only helps you to busy yourself so that you don’t have time to dwell on the past or what went wrong.

Do Something New or Challenge Yourself

  • If you weren’t the outgoing type, begin going out more and meeting new people.
  • Try something that you have always wanted or get over a fear.
  • Learn a new language or two.
  • Have fun at a karaoke bar and show that you don’t take yourself too seriously if you are not a great singer.
  • Go on a vacation or trip alone to a safe place. Need a retreat? Take one alone. Want to visit a place that has been on your to-do list forever? Gas up your vehicle or purchase a ticket, pack your bags and take off. Waiting for others to get things done in life will keep them as To-Do’s. Club alone and enjoy a movie without  feeling the need to have company.
  • Try a new hairstyle or go natural that you have been afraid to try. You can have your hairdresser cut a wig or sew in the hairstyle first if you have commitment issues or don’t think the look will work well on you.

If your ex were to return and was deserving of you taking them back, they may be so enamored with the new you and how you utilized your time away from one another that you may get that ring on your finger sooner than you think. If not, what counts is that you didn’t let the past get you down and you are even better now and prepared for a better love life.

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