Single Black Woman's Guide To Dating

Healing, Celebrating & Preparing for Love That Is Soon To Come



Happy Valentines 2013 To All My Single Sistah’s!


Happy Valentines 2013 to all of you Single Sistah’s out there. It’s a day to treat yourself just as good as you expect others to treat you. I have planned to cook a spaghetti and meatball dinner with Salad and Italian Sourdough bread. I will finish up with my favorite coffee and a Strawberry-Chocolate Shortcake. I purchased my favorite Bath & Body Works candles and a bouquet of fresh flowers for myself. I really think I am special and want others to know it as well. This is important for me when a man comes into my life since in my previous relationship, waiting around for extra-sweet or creative things to be done often disappointed me. I learned to give myself what I desire from others and allow them to step up to the plate to give me the same.

Ladies treating yourself great is a measuring tool to see if you are being treated as good as you treat yourself. Communication is important if this issue does arise in a relationship and if treating you special is not important to him then it’s already a given. You have to move on. It’s that simple although easier said than done.  I have been told that I treat myself really nice. With that being said, the Brotha who said this too me had no choice but to see how I feel about myself and match me on my level or go above an beyond to show me that he will treat me just as good if not better. You can easily weed out the losers or ones who just want to hit and quit real quick.

Valentines Day is not for everyone. In fact, the stores wouldn’t have enough inventory to sell I am sure if everyone’s man went out to purchase flowers and candy for their women. Also, there is a season for everything. This Valentines is not one of them. Then again the day is not over yet. You just never know who you will meet, what you will end up doing or going, or if you being alone this Valentines was one of the best ones yet. Love is in the air and with preparation perhaps next year will be celebrated or you will be walking down the aisle on Valentines Day 2014 or 2015. Life is funny like that. One moment you are all alone and the next you are trying to figure out how to juggle your busy career, self-love rituals, and your new boo. The key again is preparation with a healthy dose of prayer without doubts.

You attract what you feel you are worth. In Eckhart Tolle’s, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, he talks about the “pain-body”.

Some people carry dense pain-bodies that are never completely dormant. They may be smiling and making polite conversation, but you do not need to be a psychic to sense that seething ball of unhappy emotion in them just underneath the surface, waiting for the next event to react to, the next person to blame or confront, the next thing to be unhappy about. Their pain-bodies can never get enough, are always hungry. They magnify the ego’s need for enemies. ~Eckhart Tolle’sA New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

A New Earth
A New Earth (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So basically until you feel happy and complete with yourself, you will always in some form attract some type of drama, resistance, or negativity. Why not glow within so brightly that he assumes you must have a man at home making you radiate the way you are. If you get a chance to know him, he probably still think you are lying since it is rare to find a woman who truly is in love with herself and doesn’t need friends, lovers, or attention from another to feel and exude happiness.  That’s not to say that women without this quality to find and keep men around for a while. A man’s woman and vice-versa, is often times a reflection of themselves and can change at any time and if she is not who he plans to spend the rest of his life with, then it’s a wrap.

So if you feel sad today, it’s okay. Cry and get it over with and focus your attention on  yourself. Do I want to be held, kissed, made love to under candle-light to the tunes of a banging R&B special Valentine mixed playlist?f Absolutely! I am a woman so more than likely this can happen with or without strings or actually celebrating Valentines but this is not what I want nor deserve. I am content knowing that soon I will have someone to do these things with year after year who loves me just as much as I love him. I am happy for all of my Sistah’s who have love in their life and will be doing all of the things some of us single women crave today. This is their season and hopefully it will be long-lasting. Until our season is here, salute to all my Single Sistah’s. I know your day will arrive if you let it and get ready for it.

With Love,



5 Keys to Finding and Keeping Love In Your Life

There are plenty of ways to find love and keep it growing strong. I have listed five from my full list of Keys to get started. These Keys will be elaborated on in separate articles as well as in Newsletters from Penzi.

  1. Heal from the hurt and disappointment of a breakup, a divorce. or death of a boyfriend, fiance, or spouse. Many times we carry baggage in many forms including grief or anger which should be resolved within yourself to keep from dragging it into your new relationship.Keys to Finding Love for Black Women
  2. Be the best you that you can be. {Read2013 Single Ladies Overview}
  3. Stop seeking outside validation from others. What do you think of yourself, your potential and the life you live? Are you truly happy with yourself both inside and out and confident that you will attract a great man just the way you are? If so, fantastic! If not, than it is time to work on the new and improved you.
  4. Don’t be your own worst enemy. That includes sabotaging a relationship that is going along well by being insecure, boring, complacent, or telling yourself negative things. {ReadAre You Your Own Worst Enemy}
  5. Surround yourself with positive people who are not toxic and draining to your health.

Visit the Keys to Lasting Love page for the full post.

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